I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
