I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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