I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
