Jerry, you need to find god
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't deserve a penis
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
