i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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