new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
