the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
