i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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