I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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