So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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