happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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