I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
