My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
