he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize