the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
