We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
