the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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