im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
