I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
