She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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