we have officially lost it.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
