You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
