if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
