I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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