im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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