planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
