I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
kristin has been a bad kristin
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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