saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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