Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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