The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
