I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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