Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
