I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
