If that was your dad, he is hot
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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