Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
two words: eviction party
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
