Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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