Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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