Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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