people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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