I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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