Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize