Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
