I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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