you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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