That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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