im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize