I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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