I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
