I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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