I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I want is dick and wine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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