OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
