just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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