i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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