Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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