so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
