That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you traded sex for a burrito?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
