Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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