This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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