drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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