I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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