now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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