When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
