READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
