I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
apparently the secret to your success is patron
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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