She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
