I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
