He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
