she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
