So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
