Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
