You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
