Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
