OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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