Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
